"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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