Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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