Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize