Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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