She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
