I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I would ride that face into the sunset
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
