How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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