ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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