anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
