I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
