You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
