I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
