dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
