Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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