Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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