My hand turned me down
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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