My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
