No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
