if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
