butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
