so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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