I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
my liver is dry heaving
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
