No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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