you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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