My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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