OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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