why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
