..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
