It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
