I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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