Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Dick very happy bro
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I did not marry a roomba.
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