Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
as a side note pls kill me
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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