Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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