You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
