May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
