Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
