How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
