the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
