Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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