There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
