At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize