I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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