everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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