Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
