I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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