I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
