Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
