hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just want nice things and good sex
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
