So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
