Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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