why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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