Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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