i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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