I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize