he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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