So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
