I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
