He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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