You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
