sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
even my farts smell like vagina
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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