from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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