wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
