you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
