the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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