im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
