He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
