I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
