you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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