...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
