btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
