thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
