You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
