Got a toothbrush?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
