it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
