I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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