I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
