Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
