My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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