life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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