can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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