Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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