Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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