so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
