my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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