you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
