just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
