There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
