I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
