Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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