guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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