my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
