im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
