Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
