please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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