Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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