That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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