Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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