Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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