and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
