I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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